I decided to revise my first paper, you can find the original below.
And here is the revised version
Going through the original writing, I found that many of my revisions ended up becoming changes in how I show the same information. I believe that when I write just for completion I find sloppy but I am just happy that I have put words on paper. Reading through I find many changes that were very simple fixes or add figurative language to create a better understanding of the message I am trying to send. It is similar to the difference between “this is my apple” and ” the apple is mine”. Both forms are correct but I have a personal preference towards one.